The World According To Nicky Morgan

Nicky MorganEvery day in life you learn something new.  Some days you learn more than others.

Special thanks to Nicky Morgan, Secretary of State for Education for sharing little known facts with us on her appearance on this weeks BBC Question Time.

I have to admit that, as a lowly person who went to a mere state comprehensive, rather than a new fangled academy, I was totally and blissfully unaware of what are clearly some basic concepts in fundamental subjects studied at secondary level.

-£4.4 bn = + 1 bn

Mathematics was first on list.

We were taught at school that -£4.4 bn = -£4.4 bn and +£1 bn = +£1bn.

Praise the Lord that the Education Secretary came to the aid of the people to explain that a £4.4 bn cut to the disability welfare budget is equal to a £1.1 bn rise in the disability budget.

Clearly, understandably, the audience looked puzzled, David Dimbleby looked puzzled and when quizzed over this remarkable piece of maths, Nicky Morgan repeated it on no less than two further occasions.

Milk makes sugary drinks healthy

Chemistry and food technology next.  And we’re in for another surprise.

Adding milk, which contains calcium (who knew?), to even the most sugary drink makes it healthy.  Throw 50 teaspoons in that coffee if you want, but as long as you don’t have it black it won’t be anywhere near as unhealthy as a can of coke.

This topic came up in relation to the ‘sugar tax’ – the most regressive tax to be introduced by the government since VAT.

One audience member pointed out that coffee sold by big brand high street chains contain more sugar than your average can of pop – so will they have the sugar tax imposed.

‘Of course not’ was the essential reply of the Education Secretary – ‘they contain milk, and milk is healthy’.

Apparently Nicky Morgan has been advised by medical professionals that this is the case.  *If* this is the case, (although I suspect the honourable member is being a teensy bit disingenous here) I sincerely hope these medical professionals are not permitted to work in the UK and if they are registered, I would indeed hope they’d be stuck off for such ludicrous pseudo-science.

I’m sure this decision was not influenced by any large multinationals at all – I mean it’s not as if the government has turned a blind eye to any coffee chains avoiding their tax obligations.  Oh wait….

Side note: It’s probably not coincidental that the government has also dropped plans for a plastic bag style tax on plastic takeaway coffee cups.

‘Academisation’

Moving onto English, Nicky promptly starts making up words.  Academ-a-what?

Basically, Nicky Morgan was trying to describe a really crap plan by the Tories to change all our good and outstanding local authority schools into some kind of public-private social enterprise that banks lots of money, pays ‘chief executives’ hundreds of thousands a year and spends rock all on educating children.  Read: top-down re-organisation of education.

Surely not…

Although impossible to fathom at the time, it appears that Micheal Gove may not have been the worst Education Secretary Britain has ever had.

Nicky Morgan seems to want to take the title from the Justice Secretary by displaying her blatant stupidity towards the fundamentals of Maths, English and Science.

But it’s OK.  She can still get on in life – as now that she’s effectively scrapped the National Curriculum, children will now not learn have to learn about pointless subjects such as Maths, English and Science.

This fits in nicely with her plan as the next generation will not be able to realise how much of an brainless idiot she is.

On a final note…

As if a shocking disregard for basic Maths, English and Science wasn’t enough, Nicky went on to tell a great big huge fat porkie on national television.

Apparently, the government is still consulting on the disability cuts (yes, we know that Gideon already announced the policy last week but hear her out).

This was repeated time and time again.  “We’re still discussing it”.  “The consultation’s still open”.  “We’re still discussing these suggestions with disability charties”.

Oh Nicky, you wouldn’t be lying to us now would you?  I can see that nose of yours growing.

Let’s have a quick look how the PIP cuts consultation is going…

PIP Consultation

Oh, it concluded a week before you lied about it on Question Time.

Nicky Morgan cancelled her pre-scheduled media interviews today due to the fact her nose had grown extremely large overnight…